were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
