you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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