I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Sorry my hands just texted you
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
