I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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