I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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