FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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