I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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