I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
