i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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