If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
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