Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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