Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
