Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
