proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
