i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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