Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
