That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Can I color on your dick again?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
