Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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