you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
