If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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