Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
