your thong is hanging out like whoa
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
