I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
