sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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