Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
