well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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