Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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