I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
My brain says no but my pants say off.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Can I color on your dick again?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
