You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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