I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
