lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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