I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
