I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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