Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
