You made me cry and you don't even care
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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