I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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