giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
