I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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