It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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