this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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