i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
