if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
