you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Green mimosas i think yes
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
