I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Randomize
