Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Never underestimate the power of titties
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
