Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
