wakey wakey hands off snakey
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
