I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
