i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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