nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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