I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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